When someone finds out I am a counselor specializing in working with children and adolescents, I hear an array of questions.  One of the most frequent is about what they should read to learn more about a specific issue or concern they are currently facing.  There are so many books out there on parenting it is difficult to know which are useful and which are fluff.  What I find most helpful are the old standbys.  Books about child development. 

In fact, the most frequent questions I receive start something like this, “my child is doing____ , is that normal?”  The best way to gauge this question is to know what behaviors are normal based on a child’s age and developmental stage.  So, I keep certain child development books on my nightstand.  A favorite is Child Behavior by Ilg, Ames, and Baker.  This book was published in 1981 and has no revolutionary new trends, but lots of information on children’s developmental stages. I rely on this book not only as a professional, but as a parent.  The second chapter, Ages and Stages, begins at 4 weeks and ends at 10 years of age. All that information in a brief 34 pages. This is why I love this book.  It is meant as a reference guide hitting some of the biggies of behavioral changes like stranger anxiety and issues related to lying, frequent in 5 1/2 and 6 year olds. 

Many things our children do are within the range of ‘developmentally normal.’ This said, it does not erase the feelings of frustration or concern we parents have.  For example, knowing that two year old children struggle with issues of hitting, biting or trouble sharing does not keep parents from being mortified when they sign a behavioral note from school or daycare or fear never being invited to a future playdate.

As a counselor working with children, I spend a significant amount of time with parents normalizing certain behaviors as developmentally appropriate and  differentiating these behaviors from ones needing professional intervention.  For more in depth reading on child development check out the expanded information provided as a series of books also by Ames and Ilg available for each year of age from ages 1 through 9.  Find them online or at a local bookstore titled Your One Year Old through Your Ten to Fourteen Year Old.

Check back at our blog for a reoccurring series of What’s on My Nightstand.